


With You

by Lukesnotpunk



Series: Right Through Me [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, This is a lot less angsty than empty lmao, VictUuri, Victor spelled with a c, but also still angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 14:16:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10832985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lukesnotpunk/pseuds/Lukesnotpunk
Summary: Before Victor, Yuuri thought he had nothing.He was a mediocre skater who had to practice constantly to be some sort of okay, and he couldn’t stand the pressure that went hand in hand with his sport of choice long enough to show anyone what he was really capable of.or after Victor and Yuuri move to Saint Petersburg Yuuri bends but doesn't say anything until he breaks.





	With You

**Author's Note:**

> So some people asked for Yuuri's perspective of Empty, so this is it! I hope you like it!

Before Victor, Yuuri thought he had nothing.

He was a mediocre skater who had to practice constantly to be some sort of okay, and he couldn’t stand the pressure that went hand in hand with his sport of choice long enough to show anyone what he was really capable of.

He had friends and family and fans, but he couldn’t see himself as being worthy of their support, so he convinced himself that it wasn’t really there. He fought alone, but when he fell he still felt he disappointed everyone that believed in him.

Then, Victor came along. He appeared, naked in Yuuri’s family’s hot springs, and proceeded to sweep Yuuri off his feet. Or at least, he tried. Yuuri had been convinced for months that everything was just a big joke being played on him, but Victor had finally talked to him and convinced him that what he was feeling wasn’t just some fleeting thing, and that he wanted to be with Yuuri because he loved him and not just because he was Victor Nikiforov and could get anyone that he wanted.

When Yuuri proposed in Barcelona and agreed to move to Saint Petersburg, he was excited to see the place where his fiance was from the way that Victor had seen where he was from. His anxious thoughts were creeping in as usual, but he tried his hardest to quell them because he knew for the most part it was unwarranted. The smile on Victor’s face was so bright now, and Yuuri was happier than he’d ever been.

It almost made his anxiety feel better, but the thoughts still constantly crept in, little voices telling him that maybe he was imagining this, maybe Victor didn’t really love him, maybe all of this was only going to last for a moment because it was all too good to be true. Victor reassured him so quickly any time that Yuuri brought it up that Yuuri stopped having to ask as often, and by the time they got to Saint Petersburg, the invasive thoughts were easier than ever to ignore.

But anxiety wasn’t cured overnight, and the stress of training with his fiance as a coach and competitor was beginning to get to him. 

Living with Victor was perfect and blissful the first few days they had planned into their schedule to account for adjusting to the new timezone before starting training. The second night, they were curled up on the couch,  _ their _ couch, with Makkachin draped across their laps, Yuuri tucked into Victor’s side as they watched some movie that Victor loved. The movie was in English, so they could both follow along if they had wanted to. However, Yuuri had stopped paying attention about five minutes after the opening credits to bask in the feeling of contentment that had settled over him. Victor may have been a skating god, but here, sitting in sweatpants and an old shirt with a stretched out neckline that showed off the few marks Yuuri had made on his collarbones and chest, Victor looked so human. And he was  _ his _ .

“Yuuri, are you even paying attention?” Victor asked the second time he burst into laughter as the dialogue went right over Yuuri’s head.

“Sorry, I’m just thinking.” Victor’s eyes flicked down to look at Yuuri, an expression of fondness written clearly across his face.

“About what, dorogoy?” Neither of them were paying any attention to the movie anymore, and Yuuri unconsciously shifted closer to Victor. This prompted Makkachin to jump off of their laps, showing her discomfort with a bed that was moving with a small bark as she wandered away.

“How lucky I am to be here with you,” Yuuri murmured. A light blush creeped across his cheeks, and Victor smiled brightly before leaning down to place a gentle kiss on his lips.

“I’m the lucky one,” Victor mumbled against his lips, and Yuuri couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbled out of his chest. They eventually gave up on the movie and made out on their couch like teenagers until they were yawning into each other’s mouths.

Training was a whole new story. Yuuri only knew some basic Russian, and every time they left the house he had to completely rely on Victor for every little thing he needed to communicate. The only place he felt next to normal was the rink where at least everyone spoke some English. Victor seemed to forget from time to time that Yuuri didn’t understand most of what was being said, and Yuuri had to remind him each time to translate bits of conversation. 

They’d get home at night and make something small for dinner before retreating to their bedroom, relishing again and again in the feeling of being alone without the threat of a member of Yuuri’s family walking in on them. Yuuri would forget until the next day that there were imperfect parts of this perfect life.

Victor wasn’t great at cleaning up after himself, though. Maybe it was a byproduct of spending so many years living alone and having a maid, but the man couldn’t seem to remember that he couldn’t just leave his dishes out all the time for Yuuri to pick up. One night after a particularly grueling day of practice where he just couldn’t land a quad salchow no matter how many times he had tried and an attempt to order food from a restaurant that had ended with Yuuri not being able to properly pronounce something and Victor having to order for him, Yuuri finally snapped.

“Victor! You  _ have _ to start picking up your dishes! It isn’t hard, you just put them in the sink when you’re done. If you’re feeling really crazy, then you can even put them in the dishwasher,” Yuuri yelled from the kitchen. He heard the squeaky toy Victor and Makkachin were playing with stop making noise before the dog’s nails were clicking on the hardwood floor towards the kitchen. Victor followed in her steps, a sheepish smile on his face.

“I’m sorry, dorogoy. I’ll remember next time, I promise,” Victor said. The older man reached out for Yuuri, but Yuuri felt his annoyance coming to a head and knew that if Victor tried to touch him he would just snap more and say things that he didn’t mean, so he dodged Victor’s hands.

“Not right now, Victor. I’m going to… I’m going to call Phichit, maybe go for a walk or something. I’m just… going to grab my coat from the bedroom.” He tried to ignore the sadness appearing in Victor’s eyes as he walked by him and towards their room to put on clothes that he could actually go outside in. Makkachin was following at his heels, and he made a note to bring her out with him when he left. He heard the shower start and decided to dial Phichit’s number before leaving the apartment. Yuuri had heard Ciao Ciao lecture Phichit enough times during their time in Detroit to know that he was usually up too late scrolling through twitter and instagram, and though it was almost eleven o’clock in Thailand Phichit answered on the third ring.

“Yuuri! What’s up?”

“I’m… not having a good night.”

“Do you want to rant or do you want a distraction?”

“Is a rant okay? I know it’s late there, but—”

“Yuuri, I wouldn’t have answered if I couldn’t talk. What happened?” Yuuri sighed and walked towards the front door, putting Makkachin on her leash as he held his phone to his ear with his shoulder.

“It’s just… Victor is… I don’t know, Phichit, it just feels like… like he doesn’t care enough sometimes, and I’m sure it’s just the anxiety, but sometimes I think maybe it was a mistake: Saint Petersburg and… I don’t know, all of this.”

“Did he do anything? Do I need to come kick his ass?” Yuuri let out a small laugh and made his way towards a small park Makkachin loved a few blocks away from their apartment.

“No, no, he didn’t do anything bad. I just… I feel like I’m so overly dependent on him while I’m in Russia because I know so little of the language, and I’m constantly worried that he’s going to get fed up with having to deal with me all of the time and he’s going to leave me.”

“Yuuri, that man looks at you like you put the sun in the sky with your bare hands every single day.” Yuuri and Makkachin had reached the park, and Yuuri let her off the leash while he sat on a bench and continued his call, the cold already seeping its way into his bones despite having left the apartment not even two minutes earlier. His breath came out in clouds as he spoke, but he tried not to focus on the cold surrounding him.

“I… I mean, I know he loves me. It’s just, he forgets so often how much I need him when I’m here, and I feel like if he fully realized it I would just annoy him more, you know? And then, like tonight, I yelled at him for not picking up his dishes—God he  _ never _ picks up his dishes Phichit, he’s worse than you—and he acted like a kiss was going to fix it.”

“Worse than me? I didn’t think that was possible. Wow, I’ll have to step up my game.” Yuuri laughed, already glad for having called his best friend to confide his fears, “But really Yuuri, I think that you should talk to him. I know your anxiety tells you that he won’t understand, but you really don’t know until you try.” Yuuri sighed, knowing his friend was right. Phichit had been helping him with his anxiety for years, and he knew just how to see to what was really bothering Yuuri and how to fix it. Yuuri didn’t always like the solutions Phichit gave him, but they always seemed to work, so Yuuri tried to follow them when he could. Yuuri called Makkachin back to his side, and she happily barked before sitting next to him so he could clip her leash back on. He stood to make his way back to the apartment, and Makkachin happily trotted by his side.

“I know you’re right, Phichit. I’ll just have to talk to him. How are you better at being an adult than me? How old are you, really?”

“You know I can’t answer that question, Yuuri. That would give away too many of my secrets,” Phichit replied in a weird accent, making Yuuri laugh. Phichit knew they had moved to the part of the conversation where he was supposed to distract Yuuri, and Phichit talked quickly and excitedly for the next minute while Yuuri walked back to the apartment. Yuuri was about to hang up as he unlocked the door to the apartment, but he found the right key quicker than he expected, and before he could hit the end button he called out for Victor. He heard a crash and immediately forgot about hanging up his phone, instead attempting to drop it on a side table and ignoring it when it missed and clattered to the ground. He quickly locked the door behind him before rushing to find where Victor was. He didn’t have to look far to see Victor on his knees the floor of the living room, his hands covering his face.

“Victor! Victor, are you okay?” Yuuri rushed to Victor’s side, dropping down next to him, but afraid to reach out to the man in obvious distress.

“I’m sorry, Yuuri. I’m sorry you don’t want to be here, I’m sorry. If you want to leave me you can, I just want you to be happy. I’m so sorry. Please be happy.” Yuuri had never heard Victor be anything like this, and it terrified him. Victor had become more human in the time since Yuuri had met him, but he was still a usually proud and strong person, and seeing him look so sad and small in the moment terrified Yuuri.

“Victor? Vitya, please look at me,” Victor didn’t budge but he relaxed slightly when Yuuri used his nickname, so Yuuri tried to think of what he could say that would make him feel more comforted, “Vitya, I’m home now, it’s okay. I’m right here, Vitya. I’m here. Why don’t we get off of the floor?” Yuuri reached out, comforted by the fact that Victor didn’t flinch away from him when he helped him up by his arm. “I’ll make us some tea and we can talk, okay?” Victor nodded, finally moving his hands away from his hands, and Yuuri’s chest tightened at the red and puffy appearance of Victor’s eyes. Their fight hadn’t been  _ that _ bad, had it? What could have possibly made Victor cry?

Remembering where he’d dropped his phone by the door, he apologized to a very worried sounding Phichit and hung up before taking off his outer layers and going towards the kitchen to make tea. A few minutes after he’d set their mugs on the table, a still out of it Victor shuffled into the kitchen, sitting near-lifelessly across from him.

“Vitya?” Yuuri finally had to break the silence, and the man he loved barely reacted to the nickname, instead staring intently at his tea.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you say you weren’t happy, Yuuri?” The sentence shocked Yuuri more than anything in his life. How could Victor doubt his happiness?

“Vitya, I  _ am _ happy, please don’t say I’m not.”

“Then why would you… You said you think I don’t care, and you wish you hadn’t come. You wish you hadn’t come with me.”

“No, that’s not what I… You heard me say that?” The realization dawned on Yuuri, horrible and stark as the light of a fluorescent light snapped on in a room that had been slowly going dark for hours.

“Yes.” Thoughts raced through Yuuri’s head a mile a minute, and he couldn’t help the little bit of guilt that pooled in his stomach at the thought that Victor had heard him. The guilt doubled, tripled even, when he noticed Victor was crying. It was only the second time Yuuri had seen him cry, and pity seized his chest at the sight.

“Are you crying?” He asked, unable to contain his shock.

“I’m sorry, Yuuri. I’ve never… If you want to leave, if that’s what will make you happy, then you don’t have to—” Yuuri couldn’t stand to hear another word, and he promptly cut off Victor.

“Vitya, I’m not leaving you, stop saying that I want to! I love you, will you stop doubting me?” Victor finally looked up from his tea, surprise clear on his face with relief just barely leaking into it.

“Yuuri,” Victor wasn’t just tearing up now, full sobs were beginning to rack through his chest, and Yuuri couldn’t keep his distance anymore. He was at Victor’s side in an instant, pulling him into his arms gently. Victor’s hands fisted into his t-shirt, and Yuuri gently ran his hands through Victor’s hair.

“Vitya, I’m here. I’m right here. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, I, I overreacted, didn’t I?” Yuuri could barely hear the words mumbled into his shirt, and he couldn’t help but feel for the man wetting his t-shirt with tears that had obviously been building up for a while. He tried to find the right words for the moment, but they seemed to evade him.

“I shouldn’t have said that, I didn’t know you were there. I thought you were in the shower; I never meant for you to hear.” Victor pulled gently on Yuuri’s hips, and Yuuri followed his motions, sitting down on his lap. Yuuri continued to hold Victor’s head to his chest, keeping his fingers stroking through the other man’s hair.

“Did you mean it?” It broke Yuuri’s heart that he was causing Victor this pain, unintentional as it was. He wondered absentmindedly if this is how Victor felt when he accidentally triggered Yuuri’s anxiety.

“No, I was just angry. I know I shouldn’t have gotten so upset over something as small as the dishes. If anyone overreacted, it was me. I’ve just been very stressed with training and this new country where I don’t know the language, and it’s just… It’s been taking it’s toll. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier that I was upset. I don’t regret coming here, Vitya, I’m just trying so hard to adjust for you.”

“I’m sorry you thought you couldn’t tell me. I just don’t want you to be unhappy here. I want you to be happy with me. You make me so happy, Yuuri.” 

“You make me happy too, Vitya. So happy.” He knew there had to be more to Victor’s reaction, and he didn’t want to pry, but he desperately wanted to know what could have bothered Victor so much about their fight. “Now, it’s your turn to talk. There must be something else bothering you too for your reaction to be like that.” Victor tensed below him, and Yuuri dragged his fingers down to his shoulders, making small circles in the tense muscles there.

“Before… before I met you, I wasn’t happy. I was… I smiled a lot, but it wasn’t real. They were… I couldn’t tell anyone. I should’ve been happy, I had everything. But it just… it was empty. I was so empty, Yuuri, and I couldn’t… I didn’t know what to do. I was so alone; I had no one. Everyone left, everyone  _ always _ left and I always let them because I want everyone I love to be happy, even if it isn’t with me. And then I met you, and you made me so happy, and I smiled again. I really smiled again. I felt alive again. I had forgotten what it felt like to be so happy, and I thought I was making you happy too, and I got selfish. I want nothing more than for us to be happy together, and the thought that I… that I was making you unhappy, I can’t, I’m so  _ sorry _ , Yuuri, I’m so sorry. I’m just, I’m so afraid of losing you.” Victor’s voice choked up again, and Yuuri felt the need to actually see his fiance’s face. He gently ran his fingers along Victor’s jaw, and Victor responded by finally looking up at Yuuri again. His heart clenched again at the few tears on Victor’s cheeks, and he wiped them away while trying to think of how to respond to the weight of the confession Victor had shared with him.

“Vitya, I love you so much. I want to be with you forever, and I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I had no idea that you… I’m sorry, too.” The reassurance didn’t feel like enough, but it was something; it was a start.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I know I didn’t know you, but I… Oh,  _ Vitya _ , I wish you’d never felt that way. I will never make you feel like that again. I’m never leaving you. I don’t care if you never do the dishes again, I’m not leaving you. I promise. You make me happier than you could ever know.”

“I love you, Yuuri. I love you so much, thank you. Thank you.” Victor leaned towards Yuuri, and Yuuri understood his need for a kiss after the moment they’d just shared. It was gentle and caring, and Yuuri pushed all of the words he couldn’t string together into the range of the few seconds when their lips met.

“I can’t promise to be perfect, but I’ll never leave you, Victor. I promise I’ll never leave you. And I’ll never walk out while we’re fighting again. Why were you sitting on the floor when I came in?” The curiosity was too much for Yuuri to avoid asking now. The sight of Victor looking so broken was something Yuuri felt would haunt him, and he wanted, needed, to know how the moment came to be.

“I didn’t want you to see me, and I just… I think I tripped. I thought… you would want to leave more if you saw me so… so weak. I’m supposed to be a legend, aren’t I? Aren’t legends supposed to be perfect?” Yuuri knew he had to find the perfect words to respond with, but while he thought of them he pressed another slow and sweet kiss to Victor’s lips. It was while they kissed that Yuuri felt the exhaustion of the day wearing him down. It was barely seven o’clock, but Yuuri wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and leave this entire day behind them.

“You are perfect. You are more than you can ever imagine. I love you.” Yuuri stroked his thumb along Victor’s cheekbone before a small yawn escaped him. “Now, why don’t we go lay down? We have training early.”

“As your coach, I think tomorrow is a rest day. I think it would do you very well to spend the day in bed.” Victor’s voice sounded teasing; it was more like Victor’s normal self than anything else for a majority of the night. Yuuri let out a smile immediately at the tone, and Victor gave him a smile back in return.

“Hm, and do you think I should spend this day in bed alone, coach?”

“No. You should never be alone.” Though some seriousness came back into his voice, Yuuri felt reassured that the worst of this night was behind them. He knew that in the morning they would have more to discuss, but nothing productive was going to be talked about between the two exhausted men at that moment.

“Come on, let’s go to bed.” Yuuri stood, pulling Victor by his hand to their room. After he changed into clothes to sleep in, he crawled in bed next to Victor and curled immediately into the side of the man he loved. Victor was humming some sort of a lullaby, and Yuuri felt himself falling into sleep easily.

At some point in the night, Victor had woken up and turned off their alarms, and Yuuri relished in the feeling of waking up mid-morning. He had moved around throughout the night so that he was now spooning Victor, his head resting on the older man’s shoulder and his arms wrapped loosely around his middle. Victor was already awake, tracing patterns randomly along the skin of Yuuri’s arm. Though the world was a little blurry at the moment, Yuuri couldn’t help but take in the simple beauty of waking up with someone the person he loved most in the world wrapped up in his arms.

“Good morning, Vitya,” he said, his voice still raspy with sleep. He pressed a chaste kiss to Victor’s shoulder, and the other man turned around in his arms until they were face to face.

“Good morning, my Yuuri.” Yuuri’s heart fluttered at the cheesy sentiment, and Yuuri smiled as he traced his hand up Victor’s side.

“Breakfast?”

“Could I persuade you to stay in bed for another moment?” Victor teased, rolling Yuuri onto his back and leaning over him.

“I might be persuaded a little bit.” With that Victor kissed him, close mouthed and slow, nothing that might lead to more. Yuuri’s stomach promptly rumbled, and Victor pulled away with a laugh.

“Alright, alright. Time to get up. Do you want me to make eggs?” Yuuri nodded, blearily reaching towards the nightstand where his glasses were sitting. Victor climbed out of bed, padding with his barefeet towards the kitchen. Makkachin was excitedly barking, probably hungry since she was used to being fed earlier in the morning. Yuuri followed slowly, knowing that he still had to talk to Victor about the problems he was facing in Saint Petersburg.

“Can we… can we talk about last night?” Yuuri asked when he sat down at the table. Victor set down a mug of coffee in front of him and nodded absentmindedly as he returned to the burner where eggs were cooking.

“Yes, of course, I mean, last night happened because we weren’t talking, right?”

“Yeah, I think that was a lot of it. I think… I’m struggling a lot more here then I’ve been telling you,” Victor’s back was to Yuuri, and he was almost glad he couldn’t see the expression on the other’s man face as he continued, “It’s hard not knowing Russian. I know that you’re trying really hard, but sometimes when you… I don’t know, I think you forget that I don’t know what’s going on sometimes? And then when you do stuff like order for me at restaurants I just feel like a child.” Victor had finished cooking the scrambled eggs he’d been working on, and he put them onto two plates before bringing them to the table and responding.

“I’m sorry, Yuuri. I can see why you feel that way. I guess I… I like taking care of you, but I won’t act that way anymore if you don’t like it. Would you like to learn more Russian? We could maybe get you a tutor, or one of those apps maybe?” Yuuri smiled at him, poking a few pieces of egg onto his fork.

“An app might be good. Is this what it was like when you moved to Hasetsu?”

“Not exactly. Everyone was very friendly and understanding of the fact that I was foreign. It’s definitely got to be harder to be moving here, and I’m sorry I didn’t notice it sooner.” Yuuri reached across the table to where Victor’s right hand sat, his ring glinting in the sunlight streaming in from the windows.

“It’s okay, Vitya. As long as we get better, right?”

That night they went out to dinner, and when Yuuri couldn’t remember how to order something, Victor whispered the words into his ear instead of just ordering on his behalf. It didn’t fix everything, but it was a start.

His life felt like it was finally falling into place, and that night lying in bed after Victor had fallen asleep, Yuuri couldn’t help but whisper, “Everything's better when it’s with you."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked that!! I honestly might make some more little snapshots of their lives but like more fluffy stuff because this angst was A Lot.
> 
> If you liked this, shoot me an ask on tumblr @ victuuricorner!! I'm not good at technology so I don't know how to make that a link lmao
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


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